I had this post ready to share with you about a month ago.
And I had high hopes of coming straight home from our doctor’s appointment to publish it. I would share this amazing news with you, and then we would go celebrate by getting ice cream. We always celebrate with ice cream.
We patiently waited as our doctor went back and forth across my tummy with the ultrasound probe several times. I knew it was taking too long to find baby. And it seemed as if the oxygen was slowly but surely seeping out of the room with every second that passed. She finally gave up and said, “It could be too early to see anything, or, a miscarriage.” Exactly what they told me with our first pregnancy/miscarriage.
I held back the tears as best as I could but wasn’t very successful. Ella kept asking, “y’kay, mommy?” Which made me smile and filled my heart with gratitude for her life, but it also made it incredibly hard. Jeff asked me what I wanted to do, like I said we had plans of going to get ice cream, but no one wants to cry into their ice cream, so we went home. And I cried. A lot. And fell asleep crying. But the next morning, and the next morning, and the next I had a sweet, sweet peace and much hope that I could only attribute to Jesus. THREE WEEKS. I was unsure about the life of this baby– for three weeks. That’s a long time to be on the fence about something like that, friends.
But I cannot even begin to explain the comfort that praying friends and reading God’s truths brought me over and over again. Whether it was relevant to my situation or not, it was sweet to my soul to remember that “better is one day in His home than a thousand elsewhere.”(Psalm 84:10) And that “He will equip me for my battles.” (Isaiah 45:5) And I felt like God gave me Romans 4:17; which reminded me that he was “the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.” And I held on to that verse with all the faith I could muster. He was near and it was good.
We had a lot of trouble setting up another appointment to confirm what was going on, but we were finally able to set it for December 1st. My heart sunk as soon as I realized that was the day. The day, three years ago, that Jeff frantically ran home to meet me miscarrying.
So there we were, Jeff quiet and nervous while I quickly wiped away every tear that dropped, in the waiting room nervously playing Sudoku on the back of a magazine to keep us distracted. They called us back, Jeff held my hand,
and oh how God redeemed December 1st for us!! As soon as she put the ultrasound probe on me, we saw a formed baby with hands and feet and most importantly a beating heart. Jeff let out a “Praise the Lord!” and I tears of relief.
We walked out like new people! “Good news refreshes the bones.” Proverbs 15:30
We found out we were 10.5 weeks. Which means I was 7.5 weeks at the very first appointment and should have been able to see something. Anything. Yes, he gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not. Babies are a miracle in and of themselves, but I really want to think this was a miracle on top of a miracle.
“From mountain top to valley low
through laughter and through tears
Surely the goodness of my God
Will follow all the years”
I was ready to proclaim His goodness no matter the outcome but am SO thankful that I get to do so through laughter and joy today.
If you’re anything like me, you want ALL the details.
If we could have it our way, Jeff and I would absolutely love another little girl. Nothing against boys (we actually want to adopt two little boys when we’re a little more stable), but we just kinda know this two year old baby girl that has completely stolen our hearts. And having two of them seems like the funnest thing in the whole wide world. Although, sometimes I day dream about tiny, blue clothes in our laundry pile, and it makes me smile pretty big. Same with Jeff, when he thinks about having a little fishing buddy. Also, I think if Ella could express herself, she’d say she wants a little brother. She’s more drawn to baby boys than baby girls. Either way- we’re excited for whoever the Lord has in store for our family! We have a baby girl name, but can’t think of any baby boy names! Feel free to leave some suggestions! 😉
I had some nausea in the beginning (especially and specifically when I cooked… or thought about cooking, which Jeff thought was convenient! 😉 So PB&J’s, Ginger Ale, and anything bland were my best friends.), but not nearly as bad as it was with Ella. I am suuuper exhausted, always, and have a non-stop twitch in my right eye to prove it. Haha. I’m craving fruity smoothies. And am very emotional. I may or may not have teared up while watching Elf this morning. Yep, Elf.
I’m a little nervous about being a mommy of two, but am excited to have a baby and not be completely clueless. I’m also really excited for Ella. She is going to be such an amazing big sister. I wish you could see her around babies. It will absolutely melt your heart. Anytime she hears a baby cry, she asks “awwww. y’kay babyyy?” And she always beckons them with both her little hands “c’m heeere, baby.” SOO, so, so sweet.
I am 13.5 weeks! And baby is due on June 25th!! Yippeee!!
Merry Christmas, friends! HUGS!!